Give me 45 minutes my ass.

Okay, so I recently read this article that was SUPER inspiring, you know one of those articles that when you finish it you know your life has been changed for the better: you will be more beautiful, small woodland creatures will dress you and clean your home, you will feel the need to spin around in your front yard singing about all the joy in your life – picture a movie montage combining nerdy girl removes glasses and becomes hot meets Disney meets Sound of Music. I was ready. My life was a’changin; I was ready.

…..or not.

Before I go too far, here is the link for this COMPLETELY ACHIEVABLE article about how to become more productive by dedicating 45 minutes of your morning to yourself; but before you go and willy-nilly click on this please know that if you read this you will be all “I can do this” and “It seems easy” and “why not?” and for all I know this may be more sustainable/achievable for all y’all – this is just *my* experience, after all this is completely achievable – you can totally do this, it seems easy—so, why not?

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/give-45-minutes-the-morning-and-ill-give-you-more-productive-day.html

So, here are the basic steps:

1. Wake up early – remember fear is still asleep at 5am!
   
2. Exercise after breakfast for 15 minutes – exercise creates new neurons! health! yay!
   
3. Meditate for 10 minutes – concentrate on breathing and center yourself!
   
4. Write a journal for 10 minutes – get your thoughts in order!
   
5. Spend 10 minutes with loved ones – embrace love and joy and remember that make you happy and then go to work!
   
6. Plan your work day split between “crucial” and “easy wins” – decide what is critical!
   
7. Do the crucial stuff right after giving yourself a few “easy wins” – checking things off – YAY!
   

Got it? Yep – it seems truly do-able and I know that it is correct – I do feel all productive n’ crap when I am up before dawn, etc.

So, here are the basic steps with what I was feeling when I first read this at around 4PM on a weekday:

• Wake up early – remember fear is still asleep at 5am!
  
  • You know, I really did feel like I got more accomplished when I woke up early. I think this is a great idea!
    
• Exercise after breakfast for 15 minutes – exercise creates new neurons! health! yay!
  
  • [pictures looking amazing while doing yoga in a beautiful field at sunrise]
    
• Meditate for 10 minutes – concentrate on breathing and center yourself!
  
  • I can meditate right after the yoga; I am going to be so ZEN! This is going to be amazing!
    
• Write a journal for 10 minutes – get your thoughts in order!
  
  • I can *finally* get back to writing in my blog – just 10 minutes a day. I will be so relaxed and zen I bet I will be HILARIOUS!!
    
• Spend 10 minutes with loved ones – embrace love and joy and remember that make you happy and then go to work!
  
  • [pictures romping with the dogs in this beautiful field where I did yoga and meditated]
    
• Plan your work day split between “crucial” and “easy wins” – decide what is critical!
  
  • Got it! Super pumped!
    
• Do the crucial stuff right after giving yourself a few “easy wins” – checking things off – YAY!
  
  • Yep! Got it! I am READY!!
    

Ah yes, I felt so excited, so inspired, that I failed to ask myself some very important questions about reality – such as, where in the fuck is this magical field where the yoga, meditation, and dog rompery takes place???

And here we have the basic steps again with my feelings in the morning.

• Wake up early – remember fear is still asleep at 5am!
  
  • 5am…..no. ain’t fraid nothing anyway *grabs that asleep fear and spoons*
    
  • 6am…..hell no. stupid. awake bad. sleep good. stupid internet…trying to make me do stupid things. hate. up bad. hate up. sleep good. pillow best friend.
    
  • 6:30ish…..grab medication organizer, swallow morning meds.
    
  • 7am…..FUCK! okay, I am awake…..snooze…….No, wait…I will meditate, that’s on the list……..*breathe in….breathe out….snores*
    
  • 7:30ish…..*blinking* I really have to pee, head that way, trip over dogs, cuss, let dogs out, kitten runs out to become this weird ninja kitten where he walks on his back legs and attacks things that aren’t there – it’s adorable.
    
  • 7:50ish……inject other meds
    
  • 7:52ish……find pants!!! oooooh…..shiny internets…
    
  • 8:14ish…..find. and. put. on. pants!!!!
    
  • 8:17ish……crap! work! leave house.
    
• Exercise after breakfast for 15 minutes – exercise creates new neurons! health! yay!
  
  • fuck making new neurons, I barely used old ones!
    
• Meditate for 10 minutes – concentrate on breathing!
  
  • totally did this earlier…..sort of.
    
• Write a journal for 10 minutes – get your thoughts in order!
  
  • I’ll write a blog post later! (I say this a lot)
    
• Spend 10 minutes with loved ones – embrace love and joy and remember what makes you happy and then go to work!
  
  • letting them out to pee and watching the kitten ninja TOTALLY COUNTS!
    
• Plan your work day split between “crucial” and “easy wins” – decide what is critical!
  
  • isn’t it all crucial? shit, the easy stuff is already done. *sigh*
    
• Do the crucial stuff right after giving you a few “easy wins” – checking things off – YAY!
  
  • *scowling* stupid internet with your stupid ideas of stupid.
    

It will not be a shock to most of you to know I was a late bloomer. I didn’t really understand much of anything and I remember having an epiphany in my early 20s that just because you know you are crazy doesn’t mean you can stop the crazy. Apparently a young H believed that if you could make a crazy person believe they were crazy then that would fix them and the crazy would be gone. Holy crap, I was dumb. Anywhoodle, the same applies here – If you follow these morning guidelines you WILL be happier, more efficient, healthier, and more productive. Even the growly 5am version of me knows this – but that bitch just refuses to get out of bed to drag a yoga mat into the soggy, dew-covered yard avoiding dog poop to do yoga while the dogs dance on her head and the kitten attacks her feet after stuffing food into her face and calculating how much insulin to take with it but ensuring enough time has passed from that one medication that can’t be taken with food and then sit very still thinking about breathing before writing about my feelings. The 5am version of me doesn’t have many feelings beyond LOVE for my pillow and HATE for the up; she is wise.

Have a great day y’all

-H.